Lifestyle, Motivation

What I learnt when I was single…for the first time in 10 years

It took me a year to get the guts to publish this. Here goes nothing…

Let me begin by saying, that if I did not come to learn what I know now, I would not be in a good relationship with my life partner today. And I am still learning. Relationships ain’t easy.

From highschool until college, I was a ‘relationshipper’. For me, it was an addiction. And if I wasn’t in a long-term relationship, my life had no meaning, purpose or value. By the time I turned 25, I had no idea who I was, what I liked and didn’t like. What stood for. I had lived someone else’s life and didn’t even realise it. Suddenly it hit me and I realised I was shit scared to be alone. Why? Because I had never tried it before.

So I did it, I became ‘alone’. I thought being alone was the same as being lonely…and it’s not. I literally entered a completely new world with a new sense of freedom. I took the blinders off my eyes and I forced myself to do the things I didn’t know how to do alone such as going to the club by myself, eating in a restaurant by myself, dress up and party with the girls, read the ‘single’ books, drink a lot of tequila, travel to Thailand, start writing a blog… It was like I went back in time! I realised I had given my younger years away to someone else and forgot how to be young and independent by myself, first.

These are solely my opinions, but the little things I learnt when I was out of my comfort zone helped me understand not only others, but myself:

  1. Pick up lines are the worst things ever invented. TURNOFF aka THEY DO NOT WORK. Women are not take-away meals.
  2. ‘Friend-zoning’ is a label used for people who feel sorry for themselves. If they are not into you, they just simply not into you. Someone else is though…
  3. “Nice guys always finish last” – BULL. If you were a nice guy, you’d be proud of it and not complaining about it.
  4. Being polite comes from your true self (it is who you are as a person), no matter if the girl/guy is nice or not. If she/he thinks it’s flirting, it’s just their ego talking. Not your problem. So let the woman walk in front of you, whether you like her or not. It shows you are a better person.
  5. Guys don’t treat females how they used to in 1900’s because a) some aren’t raised to show respect, b) the girl doesn’t respect herself, c) he could just be an egotistical prick. d) it’s 2016 and ‘not cool bro’.
  6. If you cannot respect yourself, no one else will. The same goes for love.
  7. Feminism is not ‘pro-female’, it’s pro-equality amongst men and women.
  8. You cannot go on a date and bring two other females with you. That’s not a date. It’s an orgy. Which is not happening if you want to find a bride. (unless she’s into that sort of thing?)
  9. Age does matter. If you are 20 years my senior, I’m not interested.
  10. Dating is overrated. Can a guy and a girl just have a meal together without the expectation of sex afterwards? We are not slot machines where you put money into us and out pops the vagina.
  11. If a guy really wants you, he’s going to try anything to get you. You will know about it. This goes for both ways BTW.
  12. If you think he’s gay, he probably is.
  13. You are who you hang out with.
  14. Make-up and hair is not to impress men, it’s to make ourselves look better because as in nature, men’s features are naturally better looking. Trim your beard and have a good hair cut, it’s the same thing?!
  15. ‘Slut-shaming’ is a term used for people who are insecure about their own sexuality. Why can women not have the same amount of sex as men. (rhetorical question)
  16. If you have a tertiary qualification and cannot spell…not interested.
  17. Not all men are the same. Some have “leveled up” more than others.
  18. When in doubt, don’t do it [or him/her].
  19. Friends with benefits ultimately don’t work. It always ends up with one of the two wanting more.
  20. Never give up your hobbies and/or career over a guy. He certainly won’t give up his for you.
  21. Don’t give away your heart too quickly, it’s easy when you’re a romantic. Sometimes, it’s not always about the romance. He can buy you a thousand roses, but still cheat. I’ll take loyalty over romance any day. And food…
  22. Trust those you know your heart, not your mind.
  23. There’s no rule book that says you have to be married by 28 and have kids by 30, because of your biological clock. Unnecessary pressure on your life might lead to unnecessary decisions.
  24. Love is not only a feeling, it’s a choice.
  25. Live in the now.

Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something NEW. – Brian Tracey

 

It’s been real,

Nikita

 

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