I haven’t written in a while and that’s ok. This year, was all about ‘self-discovery’ and just simply learning to be in the moment, good or bad. Luckily, I love rollercoasters.
I’m not one of those typical bloggers that write a post almost everyday, and as much as I love writing and sharing stories and experiences, I could never, sadly, actually explain in words how challenging, growing, scary, fun and exciting 2016 has been for me (and I’m sure for most of you), all at the same time.
My generation (the Millennials 1984+) , as I’ve come to learn, we have this sense of self-entitlement, we like and always need instant gratification and we try to make an impact on the world and when we don’t feel fulfilled, or have those amount of followers and likes, or that dream job, or that love of our life yet, we feel like ‘what’s wrong with me’. This was totally me this year, I have to be honest.
I remember the beginning of the year like it was literally yesterday. I thought “I’m almost 30, gotta do something in the world that will make a difference”. I was packing the least of my belongings into a tiny bag to move to Thailand with a naive view on the world. I’m so grateful I did move. I am the type of person that is highly impulsive, sometimes (ok, mostly) illogical in the way I do things and I always follow my heart and not my mind. I sold everything and it was such a liberating feeling to be able to say I have no debt, nothing tying me down. ‘FREEDOM’. It led me to the most beautiful places as well as the darkest and deepest places within my soul. It was like I had to be ‘reborn’, like the world owed me something, so I left my comfort zone and home and just thought ‘fuck it’. What do I have to lose? I lost nothing…and gained more than I could ever ask for in only a few months.
Bangkok, Khon Kaen, Koh Samui, Phuket, Cambodia, Laos and all the people, culture, sanctuaries and traditions I came across on my journey still and will always remain in my memories and thoughts. The good and the bad. And I try to share them on the blog. Well, what I feel is necessary to share. Thailand unfortunately is a place I could not live in forever, and I have my personal reasons as I’m sure you’ve read here. Each to their own. I still remain that there was definitely a reason my heart told me to go there and conquer my fears of being alone, of never allowing myself to grow as a person, getting ridding of skeletons. Thailand definitely taught me how to do that and then spat me out when it was the right time. I could’ve stayed a little longer. I could’ve healed mentally and physically. I could’ve smelt the streets for longer and survived off the street food. I could’ve finished my year of teaching little ones. I could’ve wasted more money on partying and visa runs. I could’ve done more exploring on my own. But instead I decided to complain, give up and it ended me being kicked out of my flat, briefly living and sleeping on the floor of Bangkok Airport, while I waited for a one-way flight to London. I had no one else to blame but myself. I simply was not happy. Not satisfied. Addiction can come in many forms. And I was addicted to ‘the next best thing’.
There I go following my heart again…and ended up in debt getting to the UK. From Scotland to Wycombe and now Portsmouth. Was it worth it? HELL YES. Not to say things are all peachy now, but I am in a much better space and I would not be the person I am today for bouncing from one place to another.
If traveling has taught me one thing, is that no matter where you are in the world, traveling will never make you 100% happy if you are not happy with yourself and if you do not know yourself. That’s the beauty of traveling though, it reveals those things to you. It can only fulfill so much within your heart and soul and it’s up to you and your mindset as to how you make it. Politics, racism, corruption, money problems and cruelty will always be there no matter how far you try to run away from it. If you choose to focus on that, that is what you will face everyday. Choose the bright side. Choose to see the beauty in everything around you, even though the world has toughen you up. Choose to love people, no matter what colour, shape or form of identity they choose or how their personality is. Kindness goes a lot further than you think. ‘Freedom’ is not a selfish quality. Freedom for me is being loved, being able to love in return, having your family closer in your heart, even if you’re millions of miles away from each other. Freedom is not being attached to your cellphone. And most importantly, it’s being in no competition with anyone else but yourself.
Bottom line (as cliché as it sounds)… FOLLOW YOUR HEART. Do it. But allow your mind to do the logistics. It will lead you to the most beautiful destinations (metaphorically and physically).
I am excited for the new challenges and the new year to come. Who knows where it will take me, or what will come my way…
Here’s to 2017! 2016 was only as bad as you make it out to be.
Happy New Year,
Nikita | The Lovist