It was not an intentional topic of conversation at first, I had no plans on talking about my relationship until I felt completely ready and comfortable and honestly thought it could wait until another session…but I couldn’t hold back the emotions and the words that came out of my mouth all lead to the fact that I honestly need help with my relationship and the fact that I struggle big time with communication…the most important aspect of any relationship, and it was affecting the rest of my life and wellbeing. Sometimes the uncomfortable topic of conversations lead to the most eye-opening and transformational conversations.I don’t know why I struggle to communicate properly, maybe I’m too soft or sensitive, take things too personally, could be pregnancy hormones, or just a combination of all the above?
My intention is to create a relationship base that is a lot more solid than what it is, for the sake of our emotional well-being which affects my unborn child, from womb to birth. Our relationship might not be perfect, but I know what we are both capable of as a couple, and I know that we both love hard!
It’s always two to tango in a relationship. I felt like I was the only one dancing. And so did my partner…on opposite sides of the dance floor in that awkward first dance at the prom, just staring at one another until someone made a move. I realised I wasn’t trying to learn his ‘dance moves’ or couldn’t ‘get the steps’ right in order for him and I to ‘tango’ together properly, beautifully and in sync with each other.
In order for me to do that, I:
- Got rid of my negative snappy side in session one, which helps a great deal as I am not in defensive mode all the time, ready for a fight.
- Stop thinking that my partner knows exactly what I am thinking, what I want and need. He is not telepathic nor perfect.
- Humble myself, as I am not perfect either and am not always right.
- Listen without wanting to automatically have an answer for everything, but actually hearing what he is asking of me.
- Ask clear, direct questions with kindness. Nobody listens to a ‘moaner’ or a ‘nagger’.
- THROW THE ATTITUDE AWAY.
- Be in control of what I want and need from him and what I want out of life, and not just ‘going with the flow’.
Using these steps, I understand my partner, and other’s as well as myself a lot better. We slowly but surely dancing again together and the results show! My relationship not perfect but is SO much better than before this session. Honestly. We are more in sync, communicate better, love one another better, show emotion and affection, and laugh like we used to!
I will continue to use these simple steps to grow my relationship and use them in all aspects of my life.
It has helped me at work, by not being afraid to stand up for what I believe in or ask a direct question without feeling intimidated or inadequate for wanting to ask.
I treat everyone equally and treat them how I would want to be treated.
I no longer have the time or energy to dwell on unnecessary negative emotions that arise during the day and when they do come up, I let it out, talk to my partner about it and move on.
I always remind myself that in any situation, no matter who you’re talking to…your WORDS ARE POWERFUL. Use them wisely!
I can’t thank Marta and Richard enough for helping me with something so basic as communicating properly again. Helping me see from an outsider perspective. Taking my background and my partner’s background into consideration without judgement and simply explaining how we differ and why and how to come closer together through understanding, clear communication and ultimately teaching me how to love again, no matter what the circumstances are.
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Nikita | The Lovist
Photo by Simone Neethling Photography